Here we are again, friends.
Barely two months after our body clocks had to reboot following the conclusion of Europe's domestic leagues, Australian-based football fans are about to be thrust back into the cold nights and quiet mornings of overseas competition as the 2024 UEFA Men's European Championship kicks off on Saturday morning.
It feels like an age since the last one, doesn't it?
To quickly recap, Euro 2020 (which was actually played in 2021 due to the pandemic) was a tournament of almosts, where smaller nations like Wales, Ukraine, Czechia and Switzerland went on glimmering runs into the knockouts, while the usual contenders in France, Croatia, the Netherlands and Portugal all crashed out earlier than anyone expected.
It's probably best remembered for Italy's eventual triumph, grinding its teeth to the trophy for the first time since 1968.
Boasting the equal-best defensive record of the tournament, Italy scrapped and fought its way to the final against England before winning in a dramatic penalty shoot-out, with goalkeeper Gianluigi Donnarumma the hero of the hour.
But three years is a long time in football. We've had a men's World Cup and a Nations League since then, won by Argentina and Spain respectively, with many of the teams we saw last time around either rejuvenating and improving, or slowing down and fizzling away.
So who are the contenders and challengers this time around? Which are the most interesting storylines? And what are the games worth getting up for in the middle of the night?
Here's everything you need to know to convince your colleagues, as you stand bleary-eyed in the work kitchen, that this thing was worth ruining your sleep patterns for.
Will England finally break its Men's Euros curse?
Despite being home to arguably the greatest domestic league in the world, which has developed some of the game's best players and most successful clubs, it is one of football's most terrific ironies that England's men's team has never won a European Championship.
The closest it ever got was three years ago. While England, led by Gareth Southgate, didn't play the most attractive or effective football, it managed to reach its first final against Italy. It even went 1-0 ahead just two minutes in, and kept it that way for just over an hour before now-retired Italian captain Leonardo Bonucci equalised in the second half. The scores stayed locked at 1-1 by the end of extra time, with England going on to lose 3-2 on penalties.
Sadly, the most defining part of England's Euros run last time was what happened after the final. The three players who missed their penalties — all of whom were young, black men — were racially abused across tabloid and social media, shouldering the blame for England's loss. It sparked a bigger conversation about the treatment of black athletes in English football and the discriminatory media coverage they receive compared with their white teammates.
England's preparation for this year's tournament has been mixed. It lost its final friendly to Iceland 1-0, raising questions about the chemistry of its squad which, despite having some of the best and most creative midfielders in the world such as Manchester City's Phil Foden and Real Madrid's Jude Bellingham, still seem to lack some flair and sharpness going forward, and can get stuck trying to break down disciplined defences.
In striker Harry Kane, though, England has one of the most prolific and consistent goal-scorers currently going. While his season with Bayern Munich in Germany shockingly didn't end in any trophies, he had a brilliant season none the less, scoring 36 goals and assisting eight more in 32 league games, as well as eight goals and four assists in the Champions League. He's had the best debut season overseas of any English player in history.
But if Euros trends are anything to go by, winning isn't as much about scoring goals as it is about stopping them, as former winners Italy, Portugal, and Greece have all shown. Squad-wise, England no longer have the aerial dominance of centre-back Harry Maguire, while its only natural left-back in Luke Shaw still isn't match fit. Indeed, form and fitness questions shroud many other defenders, too, including John Stones, Kieran Trippier, and Marc Guehi.
Aside from carrying injury and chemistry concerns, perhaps the biggest weight for England this Euros is that of expectation. The last time the men's team won a major trophy, none of these players were even born. And with every tournament that comes and goes without a title to its name, the heavier the burden of history becomes.
Can they shrug it off to lift their first trophy since 1966?
Which other nations are in contention?
England aren't the only side in the conversation to take out the 2024 title.
France is the other big favourite, having reached the men's World Cup final back in 2022 after winning the whole thing in Russia four years earlier. It boasts one of the most dazzling squads of the tournament, spear-headed by new captain Kylian Mbappe, who took the armband from retired goalkeeper Hugo Lloris.
Head coach Didier Dechamps has been smart in his rebuild over the past World Cup cycle, bringing through a new generation of players who are now in their peak performance years of their late 20s to early 30s, though the recall of Saudi-based N'Golo Kante suggests a desire for more stability and experience in a team still trying to strike the right balance between old and new.
Portugal is another side having experienced a significant rebuild since its last trophy win in 2016, and setting aside the aging (but simultaneously ageless) Cristiano Ronaldo and Pepe, its squad under Roberto Martinez looks especially equipped for the fight required to win this thing.
With the best defensive record of any other nation in qualifying for the Euros, anchored by the stellar Ruben Dias and Joao Cancelo, it also has an array of midfield and attacking weapons to choose from, with Bernardo Silva, Joao Felix, Diogo Jota, Ruben Neves and Bruno Fernandes all in the mix.
Spain, meanwhile, come into the Euros hot off its Nations League win, and with some of the brightest young talents of the tournament. Barcelona prodigy Pedri, 21, is the pick of the bunch, though teenager Lamine Yamal could also sparkle if given the chance.
With a couple veterans in Dani Carvajal, Alvaro Morata, Rodri, Jesus Navas and goalkeeper Unai Simon creating a solid spine, Spain could lift the trophy that has eluded it for over a decade, even if it won't be in the same slick style as it did last time it won in 2012.
Belgium and the Netherlands arguably round out the more favoured nations this year, though both squads seem a little dimmer than in their golden years. Croatia, too, is not quite the force it was when it reached the 2018 World Cup final, and is still largely reliant on the tiring Luka Modric to produce its most effective attacking football.
The Dutch side has plenty of power at the back and out wide, though its midfield options seem either too old or too new for this dance, while Belgium still rely on veterans Kevin De Bruyne and Romelu Lukaku for most of its creative attacking play, though the inclusion of tricky Manchester City winger Jeremy Doku and in-form Arsenal striker Leandro Trossard could become its most important weapons.
All in all, no single side has emerged as the clear front-runner for 2024, with every team having some kind of flaw that could be ultimately fatal. But those frailties are what add the drama and dreams to a tournament like this: seeing just how each can overcome their own weaknesses in order to make it all the way.
Wait, aren't you forgetting a couple of big teams?
You may have noticed that both holders Italy and hosts Germany weren't included in the above section, which was deliberate. Both teams have dropped off quite dramatically in the past few years, and neither look to be back to their glittering best any time soon.
Under new head coach Luciano Spalletti, Italy has undergone a pretty big clean-out since lifting the European Championship in 2021. Just a handful of that trophy-winning side have been called up this time around, most notably the goalkeeper of the tournament in Donnarumma, as well as midfielders Jorginho, Bryan Cristante, and Nicolo Barella.
But it's in attack where Italy has suffered the most, losing the likes of Lorenzo Insigne, Marco Verratti, and Ciro Immobile, and full-back Leonardo Spinazzola, though attacker Federico Chiesa has remained since the last tournament.
There are glimmers of promise with a core of players drawn from Italian side Inter, which reached the 2022 Champions League final (which they lost to Manchester City), and sprinkled with talent from Juventus, Napoli and Roma, but the team comes into the Euros having lost twice to England in qualifying, as well as drawing 0-0 with Turkey and squeaking past Bosnia-Herzegovina 1-0 in the past fortnight.
Germany has been going through a similarly tumultuous time. It famously didn't make it out of its World Cup group back in 2022 after an opening group-stage loss to Japan followed by a draw with Spain.
In fact, Japan came back to haunt it just over a year later, where a 4-1 thrashing to the Asian powerhouses in September resulted in Germany sacking head coach Hansi Flick: the first time the federation had dismissed a manager since the role began in 1926.
Results have improved under former RB Leipzig and Bayern Munich boss Julian Nagelsmann, who has overseen the return of the legendary Toni Kroos and Robert Andrich to provide some stability in midfield. Friendly wins over France and the Netherlands in March showed promise, particularly through the reinvigorated Kai Havertz and young Bayer Laverkusen winger Florian Wirtz, while a backline anchored by the excellent Real Madrid defender Antonio Rudiger will be hard to crack through.
However, similar to Italy, two sluggish results to close out its preparations last month — a 0-0 draw with Ukraine and 2-1 win over Greece — have quieted the noise somewhat.
As the hosts, Germany will its home crowd at its back and will be expected to go far in this tournament, especially as it could be the last Euros for veterans including Kroos, goalkeeper Manuel Neuer, timeless forward Thomas Muller, and midfield captain Ilkay Gundogan. Will it build into or buckle under the pressure?
Okay, so what about the smaller nations?
Some of the best stories to emerge from the European Championship over the years have been those of the minnow teams: the nations who rarely make it to this level of competition, and probably won't get much further in them, but try their hardest to do their countries proud anyway.
Greece's unlikely win in 2004 is perhaps one of the better-known success stories from a minnow side in Europe, with most falling at the first or second knock-out stage. At Euro 2020, we saw teams such as Wales, Czechia, Ukraine, and Switzerland make it out of their groups, with the latter three even getting to the quarterfinals.
The edition before that, in 2016, casual onlookers rallied around Iceland, who defeated England in the round of 16 before being bundled out by France in the quarters, while a Gareth Bale-led Wales made it all the way to the semifinals before losing to eventual winners Portugal. Poland, the two Irelands, Hungary, and Slovakia have all been there or thereabouts, too.
This year will see Euros debuts for two nations: Georgia, led by the sparkling Khvicha Kvaratskhelia (nicknamed the "Georgian Messi"), and Serbia, with the unapologetic Aleksander Mitrovic and midfield maestro Dusan Tadic the most notable players to keep an eye on.
It will also see the return of Ukraine to the Euros stage, still in the midst of its war with Russia, buoyed by what you'd imagine will be significant support from the diaspora scattered in and around Germany.
Captained by the fearless Andriy Yarmolenko, and with a sprinkling of Premier League and La Liga talent around him, there is a feeling that the embattled nation can draw upon the inspiration it provides back home to go one step further than its quarterfinal finish last time out.
Scotland, Slovenia, Hungary, Albania, Romania, Slovakia and Turkey are all in the mix, too, with some returning after almost a decade in the Euros wilderness. Despite their lack of recent Euros experience, these smaller teams have nothing to lose and only a country's pride to gain, so could throw a couple of spanners in the spokes of the bigger sides as they trundle through the tournament.
There's particular excitement around Scotland, whose core group seem to be reaching their peak, and with a highly-strung host Germany waiting as its first game on Saturday morning, anything is possible.
The same goes for Hungary, which is stepping out of the shadow of its once-great teams to begin causing trouble for Europe's established sides.
Led by Liverpool midfielder Dominik Szoboszlai, this young and hungry (no pun intended) side under Marco Rossi is playing a free-flowing, high-energy transitional style which saw it go on a remarkable run of just one loss in 16 games since September 2022, qualifying for the Euros finals unbeaten at the top of its group for the first time ever.
Cool, so what are the games I should get up to watch?
If you haven't already Googled the match calendar after reading about some of the intriguing narratives and up-and-coming nations for this Euros, allow me to hand pick some of the most interesting match-ups for you.
The tournament's opening match between Germany and Scotland should be a ripper, with the hosts needing to set the tone from the very start. They know they've got the pressure of history and home upon them, and will want to start their Euros with a bang.
Early on Sunday morning, two former giants in Spain and Croatia go head-to-head, while Poland — led by the prolific Robert Lewandowski in likely his last major tournament — will face the Netherlands later that night.
England's first match comes against the underdogs Serbia on Monday morning, while favourites France face Austria at the same time on Tuesday. Two smaller sides in Turkey and Georgia face off on Wednesday morning, too, which could be an unusual one to watch.
Germany then face Hungary early on Thursday morning, before England face a fading Denmark and Spain take on holders Italy on Friday. A big-dog clash between the Netherlands and France beckons on Saturday morning, before Scotland and Hungary potentially decide their Euros fate as they face each other on Monday.
Croatia and Italy will do battle on Tuesday June 25, while France and England will see out their group stages against Poland and Slovenia, respectively. To close out the groups, Ukraine take on Belgium and Georgia face Portugal on Thursday, with Czechia and Turkey the final game of the stage.
All matches will be streamed live on Optus Sport.
