'Is it safe to travel without your partner?'
'But, don't you miss them?'
These questions are often the soundtrack for people who travel solo and leave their partner at home.
But relationship experts say travelling individually, without your partner, can be extremely healthy.
And for 30-year-old Erin Tonkin from Perth, solo travel certainly made the heart grow fonder.
"To me and my partner, distance nourishes appreciation, brings new ideas and insights home, and allows for deep reconnection," Ms Tonkin says.
There's an inherent pressure to do everything with your partner
There's a phrase we often hear after you've found your person:
We're so in love, we do absolutely everything together.
There seems to be a notion that if couples don't do everything together, something is wrong or a break-up is looming.
And this concept has seeped its way into travel, which relationship coach Nicole Koelewijn says should be challenged.
"Why would you suddenly completely enmesh with another person's values and interests just because you're in a romantic relationship?" Ms Koelewijn says.
"Of course, people grow within relationships and create a new set of joint values but it's important not to lose sense of your own.
"Neglecting to do so can lead to resentment or regret."
However, both Ms Koelewijn and relationship and intimacy coach Susie Kim believe these societal expectations are shifting.
"There's more acceptance around couples doing things a bit different to the norm, and this includes things like taking separate holidays or sleeping in separate beds," Ms Kim says.
For Erin, travelling separately overseas, without her partner of almost five years Arjun, came down to practicality.
"I love to travel, and in the busy life of today it can be difficult to always line up leave with my partner.
"This is what happened to me and in this instance and I wasn't about to let that stop me from exploring the world."
Is travelling alone healthy for a relationship?
The experts we heard from think so.
Ms Kim says sometimes a lot of relationships can become stagnant for many reasons. This is where having your own rich experiences to share with your partner can break the ice.
"When couples are able to not only pursue their own interests but also celebrate their partner for having their own experiences, that reflects a relationship that allows for vitality, newness and growth.
"It's also a wonderful opportunity to express your personal identity and pursue personal growth."
Erin agrees. Here are her three reasons why taking separate holidays is important:
- You get the capacity to meet and immerse yourself in different people
- There's time for self-reflection
- You're forced to be in control, make decisions and push your comfort zone
Maintaining a sense of 'otherness'
You don't need your partner to be a carbon copy of you to be your perfect match.
Travelling on your own can be a good reminder that you are no less of an individual than you were before you entered into your relationship.
According to Ms Koelewijn, this is known as "otherness".
"Maintaining a sense of otherness in a relationship means retaining your identity as two separate people, each with your own interests and unique experiences with the world outside of your relationship.
"This paradoxically can strengthen your connection.
"It provides an opportunity for partners to continue learning about each other as they evolve."
Psychotherapist Esther Perel talks at length about this.
In her book Mating in Captivity, she writes:
Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness. One does not exist without the other. With too much distance, there can be no connection. But too much merging eradicates the separateness of two distinct individuals.
In other words, give each other the freedom to figure out who you are and bring that back to the relationship.
Alleviate uncertainty through communication
Any boundaries, concerns, hopes or expectations should be discussed beforehand.
And that starts with opening up about why you want to travel solo.
"Expressing why you want to embark on a trip alone is important as it takes the threat out of what your partner's desire to travel separately could mean," Ms Koelewijn says.
"Sometimes we wish to experience something as an individual, and that's okay."
Ms Kim also recommends discussing expectations for how frequently you're going to communicate with your partner while you're away.
"Often, couples will have an idea on the frequency and method of communication they like, but everyone is different.
"And depending on the location and intention of the trip, you might want more or less communication."
Erin made sure to update Arjun on her whereabouts, especially since she travels completely solo — without a tour group. She also lets him know when she's heading out of reception for any period of time.
The phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is a mainstay in pop culture for a reason: it's often true.
It's an opportunity to experience the joy in missing someone.
"Time apart can be a great way to feed the relationship by messaging your partner what you miss or appreciate about them," Ms Kim says.
